Tips for Talking to Children about the Connecticut School Shooting

By David Fassler, M.D.

Parents and teachers are faced with the challenge of discussing the recent tragic school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut with young children. Although these may be difficult conversations, they are also important.

There are no "right" or "wrong" ways to talk with children about such traumatic events. However, here are some suggestions that may be helpful:

• Create an open and supportive environment where children know they can ask questions. At the same time, it's best not to force children to talk about things unless and until they're ready.
• Give children honest answers and information. Children will usually know, or eventually find out, if you're “making things up.” It may affect their ability to trust you or your reassurances in the future.
• Use words and concepts children can understand. Gear your explanations to the child's age, language, and developmental level.
• Be prepared to repeat information and explanations several times. Some information may be hard for them to accept or understand. Asking the same question over and over may also be a way for a child to ask for reassurance.
• Acknowledge and validate the child's thoughts, feelings, and reactions. Let them know that you think their questions and concerns are important and appropriate.
• Remember that children tend to personalize situations. For example, they may worry about their own safety or the safety of friends or siblings when going to school.
• Let children know that lots of people are helping the families affected by the recent shooting.
• Don't let children watch too much news coverage with frightening images. The repetition of such scenes can be disturbing and confusing.  

Children learn from watching their parents. They are very interested in how you respond to local and national events. They also learn from listening to your conversations with other adults.

Children who have experienced trauma or losses in the past are particularly vulnerable to prolonged or intense reactions to news or images of violent incidents. These children may need extra support and attention.

Children who are preoccupied with ongoing questions or concerns about safety should be evaluated by a trained and qualified mental health professional. Other signs that a child may need additional help include sleep disturbances, intrusive thoughts or worries, or recurring fears about death, leaving parents or going to school. If these behaviors persist, ask your child's pediatrician, family physician, or school counselor to help arrange an appropriate referral.

Although parents may follow the news with close scrutiny, most children just want to be children. They may not want to think about or discuss violent events. They'd rather play ball, climb trees, or ride bikes.

Senseless, violent crime is not easy for anyone to comprehend or accept. Understandably, some young children may feel frightened or confused. As parents, teachers and caring adults, we can best help by listening and responding in an honest, consistent, and supportive manner.

Fortunately, most children -- even those exposed to trauma -- are quite resilient. However, by creating an open environment where they feel free to ask questions, we can help them cope with stressful events and experiences, and reduce the risk of lasting emotional difficulties.

David Fassler, M.D., is a child and adolescent psychiatrist practicing in Burlington, Vermont. He is also a clinical professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Vermont, College of Medicine.

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Helping Others Helps Your Mental Health: Why Volunteering Makes Us Happier

By Roberto Blanco, M.D.



I had just sat down for Dr. Norden’s Neuroanatomy class when one of my classmates, who had just walked into lecture late, announced he heard on the radio that a plane had crashed into one of the World Trade Center Towers.  As was her way, Dr. Norden showed immediate concern, and before I knew it, we were watching another plane fly into the second tower live on CNN in the front of the lecture hall.  It was a surreal scene in Light Hall on Vanderbilt’s Medical campus; one that I did not expect to experience.  The rest of the day was a blur of events and emotions – people in a state of shock, tears shed, classmates comforting each other, and Dr. Norden attempting to put things in perspective.  Class was dismissed for the day, and the rush to call loved ones in New York City and Washington, D.C. began.  My thoughts immediately turned to family members who lived in New York and worry when I was unable to reach them.

10 years ago, the world of every American changed.  In response, the country and the world came together in support of the victims of the terrible tragedy.  People from far and wide drove, some for thousands of miles, to reach New York City and care for complete strangers.  People sacrificed their time, sweat, and a good portion of their lives and livelihoods to help those in need.  Donations flooded in to support the victims’ families.  A rush of prayers, love, and aid from across the globe also streamed in for those affected.  It seemed that the world was one in giving to those who had lost.

I recently wrote a blog post here on happiness, human fulfillment, and flourishing.  In that posting, I discuss human fulfillment and flourishing as the real definition of happiness and the final aim of all of what we do.  A great way to help yourself and your own mental health is to help others.  Feeling useful and needed is a wonderful way to work towards human fulfillment and recognize all you have for which to be grateful.  Serving others is a sign of individual and community emotional health.  Volunteering your time and talents also leads you to finding the love within yourself that you didn’t know you had.  When faced with those who have lost and are truly in need, just like on September 11th, the true beauty of mankind comes out.  

For Sunday's 10th Anniversary of September 11th, President Obama is calling for a national day of giving in memory of those who passed during the attacks.  His goal is to have over 1 million Americans engaged in volunteer work on September 11th.  The American Psychiatric Association has joined "Give an Hour" in aid of military members, veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan, and their families as part of the “I will” campaign to encourage that same spirit of service that was felt in the days following the attacks.  So, think about joining us in giving by helping build a house for a needy family through an organization like Habitat for Humanity.  Volunteer to distribute food or give to your local food bank.  Help a friend move.  Donate time or resources to a homeless shelter, spend time with the elderly, or serve at a local hospital.  This September 11th, let’s honor those who died by helping a member of your community in need.
In photo: Dr. Blanco and another volunteer work together to build a home through Habitat for Humanity
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Talking to Kids about the Earthquake in Japan

By Adair Parr, M.D.

Our hearts and condolences go out to the people of Japan and the families involved in the earthquake and subsequent tsunami in Japan last week. 

Everyone has seen the live images, captured on cell phones and video cameras, coming from Japan.  They are vivid, dramatic, compelling, and scary.  We have all watched the coverage on television and online as more and more photos and videos circulate showing the massive tsunami wave rolling over the sea wall, shaking houses and buildings, fires, explosions,  and the massive destruction afterwards.  The subsequent explosions of the nuclear reactor and news of a nuclear reactor meltdown near Sendei, Japan are also extremely disturbing. 

Our 24 hour news cycle enhances the impact of these images which can be traumatizing for viewers of all ages.  Media has a particularly powerful influence on children and adolescents, and the pictures it shows shapes a child’s perception of the world.  Young children watching images of disaster believe that the event is happening in real time, and they’re in danger.  At such times, helping children feel safe and protected in their own home and community is important.  Parents should keep in mind the following tips when viewing photos and videos during and after disasters:

• Be vigilant!  Not all sources of media provide warnings about upcoming traumatic images.
• Viewing traumatic images may be re-traumatizing.
• Limit children’s exposure to media coverage of the event.
• Co-view media coverage of the trauma and discuss content with children and adolescents.
• Encourage children to draw, write, play music, and exercise in ways to express their feelings about the traumatic events.
• Maintain structure and family routines. 

HealthyMinds.org has more information on how to talk to your children about disasters.

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“What do I tell my kids?” Tips for talking to children about the Gulf Oil Spill

By Molly McVoy, M.D.


I did a quick Google search of kids and the Gulf oil spill, and I found everything from “Why are they killing all the birds and sea turtles?” to resources for environmentally minded children on how to start an environmental action plan of their own.


The oil spill in the gulf coast has many worried, from children through adults. The resources for how to talk to them are varied and sometimes confusing. Below are some basic tips for talking to children about the oil spill threatening the gulf coast.


Talking to your children about disasters can be challenging. Children ask tough questions and it can be difficult to know how best to answer them. However, times like this, during disasters, can be a golden opportunity with your children. When current events are scary or confusing, it can be a great opportunity for parents to show their children that there are people to help them and the country get through them.


The best advice I can give for talking to children about anything, but disasters in particular, is this - be honest, be simple and repeat, repeat, repeat. Don’t force your child to talk about the oil spill, but, if they ask, tell them the truth in language that fits with their age. Children know if they’re being told the truth, so answer them as simply and straightforwardly as you can. But, being a child, they will likely ask again and again (and again!). It’s okay if you have to repeat yourself, it’s the open dialogue and the reassurance that children are looking for during times of crisis.


So, as Bill Cosby said of fatherhood “You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage.”

Coping During Disasters

By Gabriela Cora, M.D., M.B.A.


The earthquake in Haiti hit the most impoverished nation in the Western hemisphere. A land already struck by hurricanes, the loss of life in the thousands magnifies the catastrophe exponentially. What to do onsite and what to in the States when family members worry about loved ones?

Aside from the physical devastation caused by natural disasters, the psychological short and long-term impact may be even more damaging. Keeping up to date with the latest news while not overdoing this all day long will help you cope with the situation. 


Additionally, taking control of simple habits, accepting help, eating, drinking clear water and having some sleep will help through the difficult aftermath. One particularly challenging area is keeping children safe both physically as well as psychologically. As an adult in charge of your own children or caring for other children during a disaster, it’s most important to provide for physical safety, keep them busy helping out others, if they can, and allow them to share their fears and worries. 

Visit Switchboard Miami for additional hotline assistance, available in Creole.

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