Cybersafety for Kids Online and What to Do When You Child Says "I want a spacebook account"

By Roberto A. Blanco, M.D.

I was in a kindergarten class the other day on an in-school child evaluation when I overheard a little girl talking with a friend. She was explaining how her brother and mother played on "Spacebook" all of the time and that she wanted one too. Her friend nodded enthusiastically in agreement. I thought to myself that only in the 21st century would 5 year-olds be having such a conversation.



Currently, more than 8 out of 10 adolescents/young adults have an active social networking account such as Facebook, MySpace or Twitter. But what is the right age or developmental level for a child to have a social networking account? Most people would probably agree that children shouldn't have these types of accounts until they are teens. But, should all teens who want an account be allowed?

A recent study on social media use by teens conducted by University of Virginia Psychologists showed that the psychological health and social adaptation of teens dictated whether they used social media sites appropriately. The study showed that well-adapted youths use social media to enhance their existing positive relationships. On the other hand, those who were poorly adapted, evidenced by behavioral problems or difficulty making friends, used social media sites in more inappropriate ways or not at all. They were more likely to post nude photos, use excessive profanity, or show more overt aggression or hostility in their postings.

Safety issues are still a large concern when it comes to the internet. As parents, it is important that your child use the internet appropriately for his or her own physical and psychological safety. Posting the wrong things or giving out sensitive information on-line could lead to significant consequences. Here are some things that you can do to make sure that your child uses the internet and social networking sites appropriately:

Introduce your child to the internet. Like any other topic (e.g. the "birds and the bees talk"/sexual education, handling bullying, etc.) you, as the parent, want to be doing the educating. You should be setting the stage for your child’s relationship with the internet.

Explain that on the internet, even though your child may be in a room alone, that he or she is not necessarily free from harm. Remind him or her that people can sometimes find their location, identity, and information stored on computers and to be careful with what information they share.

Make time to explore the internet together. Visit sites that are specifically designed for children or that are associated with your child’s particular interests.

Monitor your child's access to the internet from time to time. You may also want to install parental internet guards or filters that won't allow kids to unknowingly go to inappropriate or dangerous Web sites.

Limit the amount of time that a child can be on the internet on a nightly basis. Spending too much time on-line can lead to symptoms of depression, social isolation, and obesity. If your children are spending time on the internet also make sure that they are getting adequate exercise and completing their homework, responsibilities, and chores.

If your teenager wants a social networking account, assess whether he or she is ready for one. Is your child old enough or mature enough to use a social networking site appropriately? As the University of Virginia study described, behavior in face-to-face interactions is a good indicator of behavior on social networking sites.

After assessing if they are ready, have an open conversation about the privileges and consequences regarding behaviors on social networking sites. Clearly lay out expectations and what would be deemed appropriate and inappropriate behaviors.

Monitor how your child is using social networking through intermittent conversations and open communication. If your child is exhibiting impulsive or out-of-control behavior, consider closing accounts or only allow them if they are closely supervised (such as having their login information or being "friends" with them on-line).

Taking these steps can help ensure that your child will have a fulfilling and safe internet experience. For more information on how to discuss internet safety with your children go to the National Crime Prevention Council and School District 129.

Helping children with transitions

By R. Scott Benson, M.D.

Before the New Year I shared the story of the family who was having trouble getting going in the morning. I touched on a couple of general principles for improving behavior. Structure, not punishment. Measuring the problem, and measuring the results.  Let me give another example.

Many children have trouble with transitions – moving from one planned activity to the next. The underlying problem is likely anger at being deprived of the fun of this activity and a little bit of anxiety about the unknown of the next activity. They might know in their thinking brain that the next activity will be fun, but the impulsive emotion for many children is fear. They have to “get a grip” on this fear in order to move to the next activity.

A mother asked for help with managing the meltdowns her four year old had when it was time to leave grandmother’s to go home. And it was frustrating because there had been a similar meltdown when they first left home to go to the grandmother. And he was having a great time while he was there.

Our plan – engage her child in a discussion. And these discussions are much later, even another day, or a Saturday morning. “I have noticed that when we are at grandmother’s and I say ‘It’s time to go home.’ Ka-boom. A meltdown. (You need to find a name for the behavior you want to eliminate. That way you have a code word for what you are measuring). Well, is there another way I could say it so that you didn’t get into your meltdown and waste 15 or 20 minutes.”

Your child might have a suggestion or no clue. Offer something silly like – “The lettuce is wilting.” This absurd statement when it is time to go will get him in his thinking brain trying to figure out what you are talking about. Use this as a starting point to script him for the transition. “I will say, ‘The lettuce is wilting.’ And you will say, ‘Does that mean it is time to go?’ And I will say, ‘Yes.’”

Practice this script two or three times until everybody has their words right. Then take it for a field test at grandmother’s. If there is success keep track with punch cards that can be traded for something reflecting the “time saved”. Maybe a movie.

If unsuccessful, re-work the script and practice, practice, practice.

Are there other behaviors that are a challenge at your house? Have you found strategies for success?